Chronicles of La Gringuita Eve

Working on my writing.... harder then i thought

2010-01-27T19:34:00.002-07:00

It has been harder then i thought to keep up with my writing, i recently have taken on a lot more shifts at my work, which is excellent! but it has been keeping me busy. Oh and I moved out of my sisters place! Exciting!!!! haha My roomates are pretty great, and the house is freaking awesome. I will write more soon. Promise <3

Rapido, Movie Review

2010-01-06T13:59:00.002-07:00

I recently saw An Education staring Carey Mulligan and Peter Sarsgaard. A British coming-of-agedrama film based on an autobiographical memoir written by the Lynn Barber. I thought the setting 1961 England made for beautiful cinematography while complimenting the romantic storyline. The film made me want to be 16 and make mistakes all over again. After watching the movie I couldn't help but look into it more and found, who Lynn Barber was, and it made me that much happier to find out the girl whom the movie was based after because an successful journalist with a impressive Résumé, which is something that one day i wish to accomplish. I would definitely recommend watching this movie.

2010 this is it! Feliz Año Nuevo!

2010-01-01T09:23:00.001-07:00

A lot has happened since the Aug 10th post. ! I've turned 19, ….haven’t yet had a lot of fun with legal but plan on it. I finally got a job, as a receptionist at an animal hospital, its great and I am learning a lot about working. The tension in the house has gone down, me and my sister are both tolerant people for putting up with each other but she has been away in Mexico for the last 3 weeks and has gotten engaged, so this is the perfect time for me to say good bye to Apartment 387. This will be my first time living without family, I’m a little nervous but as of Jan 7th I’m moving into a house with 4 people essentially strangers. Now School, the reason I came to Ottawa in the first place, I didn’t get in to the program I wanted this year ( applied to late ) however I am doing some upgrading until next fall . My exercising and eating healthy, has been hard but I’m keeping on track and continuing to make it become a habit, I found out that I have Polycystic ovary syndrome PCOS and apparently so do 5% of all women anyways it just makes my healthy lifestyle even more essential. Anyways I plan on making 2010 amazing.

So to kick off 2010 I’ve made a list of my top ten New Year’s Resolutions:

1. Act Happy, Be Happy, Portray Happy
2. Act Healthy, Be Healthy, Portray Healthy
3. Write in blog regularly
4. Practice Writing outside blog
5. Tell family & friends how you feel about them regularly
6. Budget money wisely
7. Take note and enjoy the little things
8. Move forward, always
9. Complete goals
10. Do things outside comfort zone, Take Chances

Queso with that Whine

2009-08-10T13:30:00.000-06:00

Yesterday as we were all eating cheese around the table my sister being the host to her friend staying here but all of us being social with our guest after a day at the market. I received soft nudges and looks telling me to stop, I kept going, I don’t know why, it wasn’t particularly good, but it was cheese, cheese that I hadn’t tasted in a very long time another cracker after the next, more looks, more nudges. I could feel her body tense up on the couch, and finally she couldn’t take it anymore looked at me with eyes telling me to stop and said “Dylan and I have been dieting recently, we usually wouldn’t be eating this would we Dylan? This is a real treat for us”. I smiled politely, the last thing I wanted to do was to make anyone more uncomfortable they already were “Right” I said and bit down on my own tongue as I would have a piece of cheese. I don’t like having to feel guilty for doing something I enjoy doing. Later that night I went to the bathroom and cried, cried for the freedom that I thought I had obtained when moving out of my parents house, cried for the freedom of doing what I wanted and not feeling bad about it, I looked into the mirror and cried more, I hate mirrors when they show me the deception of my eyes. My sister wants me to be healthy and I love her for that, I want to be healthy as well and in a way that’s one of the reasons why I moved here. Looking in there mirror frightens me, it’s not the girl I am inside, but the better I eat and the more I work out, the easier looking into the mirror feels. I need to work on saying no to my own temptations and not succumbing to them, saying no to the cheese that in all reality isn’t that satisfying and saying yes I’ll have a little to the cheese that is. I need to work on being satisfied with what I have, and realize the difference between my wants and needs.
Because we are ten years difference and have different mothers, my sister was raised in a catholic house and I was not, and I have a feeling this guilt thing isn’t really for me. I will feel guilty when I have truly felt that I have done something wrong. For eating a piece of pizza I refuse to feel guilty. Guilt is a natural feeling however I don’t think it is necessary all the time, and I don’t think it is right for people to push guilt upon me. I hate the constant talk about how people look, and I know this goes on with most people but I really don’t care, who fit, who’s lost looks or gained weight or has been going to the gym.
Well I am tired of complaining, I’m going to the gym.

Hoy was, and will continue to be a good day

2009-08-10T11:34:00.000-06:00

Today was, and will continue to be a good day.\
For the last two months I have been looking for employment, this job hunt recently took me to the Rideau center (a shopping center in Ottawa) where I applied for every job in site. I was terrified and nervous at the beginning and I’m pretty sure, I even stuttered when I asked a question at one of the clothing stores when I was applying but as I kept on going to each store it got easier and easier for me. I got a call from one of the clothing store for an interview! I went and did exceptionally well. So today is supposedly the day they make their decision, I want and need a job so cross your fingers!
In the last 3 weeks I have applied to go into a journalism program in Algonquin collage I am supposed to receive a request of an admission test today, hopefully today, if I am accepted, I have a chance of going to college in the fall. Fall one month from now I will be starting college I need this so much. So I am constantly refreshing my account online to see if they have made a decision. This program seems perfect for me and goes into a lot of my interests that I know and want to learn more about such as web design, photography and of course writing, so yes I am very excited about this program and hope I accepted and hope I do well on the admissions exam.
For the last 2 weeks my sister and her boyfriend of whom I am currently living with has had a guest here. A rude, unsocial, balding, pajama wearing till 4pm, doesn’t get the check, porntube watching, guest and while my sister already made plans for this weekend with another friend to stay here, he was counting on staying the weekend, my sister’s boyfriend gave in and paid for his hotel room for 2 nights, just to get him out of here and didn’t even receive a thank you. Today he came to pick up his stuff as his flight out of town is for today, and all I can say is Hallelujah!
Okay I might get some bad karma for writing that last paragraph, so I should say that I made an effort to be nice to him, made an effort to help him and even cleaned up after him. I have been working really hard out here to start working, go to school and start living healthy and although I’m not perfect I have been losing weight, being active, eating well…err and hopefully contributing around the house like I am supposed to.
I haven’t written a lot here, but I want to try and make an effort to do so. I have noticed with a lot of my old favorite blogs that people sometimes just drop out off the face of the earth and discontinue there writing. After initially being ticked off at this, I now realize how easy it is to be distracted by other things and how easily life can be a distraction to writing however writing is my passion and even if I have to make an effort to continue writing I will do so.

Bluesfest dos mil nueve

2009-07-16T11:55:00.003-06:00

Okay well another thing I have been doing and will continue to do for the next little bit is volunteer for the Bluesfest. Why Bluesfest you ask?? Well there are a couple reasons, one is that I need something to do besides gym and looking for a job, two is that it’s another thing and Canadian thing to put of my resume, three is that I need to meet people outside of this apartment and the fourth reason is there a tons of amazing acts that I get to see for free, Gym Class Heroes, Metric, Estelle, Girl Talk, Ice Cube, K’naan, KISS, Our Lady Peace,Stone Temple Pilots, Busta Rhymes, Ludacris, Yeah Yeah Yeahs
So yeah I uploaded a Couple Videos On Youtube, and Below is a Slideshow of the Pics of the bluesfest so far. And Click HERE for the videos on my Youtube Channel.

Nueva Vida

2009-07-16T11:43:00.001-06:00

I am done, I set out what I wanted to do, and now I have a whole set of other goals to accomplish. It’s scary, I’m scared, I’ve never not done anything, okay that was a bit of a lie but I’ve never had nothing to do and that’s what happening now. Again I’m exaggerating I do have stuff to do, I am looking for a job, going to the gym starting a healthy lifestyle, getting to know Ottawa. I thought that after graduating I would be less stressed but as it turns out I’m just lost and confused. So now when I phone home looking for some praise and affection all I get is my mom telling me that I need to get a job, and if I’ve met any boys although they’re kidding about the boys it’s getting to the point where I phone home, instead of comfort all I get is anxiety. My sister and Memo(her boyfriend)are great and are helping me out a lot but things aren’t what I expected, I don’t know what I expected but I it just seems as though the people around me aren’t really happy with me around almost like there obligated to do it, it kind of sucks this doesn’t seem like it’s going to last. I don’t know there a lot of knots needing to be kneed out and hopefully they will be.

Me llamo Eve pero Mi Nombre es Dylan

2009-06-06T01:33:00.002-06:00

My dad, a former Politian now semi-retired travel writer, also writes as a Political Columnist for a North Vancouver News Paper called the North Shore News. At the end of his latest article he happened to mention me. The article is ironically entitled “'Politician' an ever dirtier word”. This is ironic because it was a little more the 18 years ago when my Mom and Dad were both knee high in politics, both involved in there political party (at that time I believe to be NDP, New Democrat Party) as well as municipal and provincial politics. It was at this time when they found out they were going to have a baby and decided to name their child Dylan, not after the Welsh Poet Dylan Thomas who wrote the famous poem “Do not go gentle into that good night.”(thanks English 12), nor Dylan Ail Don the Celtic God but after the singer /song writer/poet Bob Dylan, they decided this was the best choice when they were listening to the radio and on came the first track of his 26th Studio Album “Oh Mercy” a song entitled “Political World”.

Ever since I could remember I hated having been named, “Dylan”. A few years ago, after hearing the story of how I was named for probably the hundredth time, I decided for first time to look at the Lyrics to the song. As I did, I couldn’t understand why my parents were naming me after something that seemed so depressing even as a read the first two lines “We live in a political world/ Love don't have any place” I was disappointed this wasn’t something riotous it was something depressing. I decided that, it was my parent’s selective hearing with songs that was the reason why they had chosen this song to name me. Just as they seemed to pick out every bad word in the songs I played in my room and used it against me to make me turn down my music. They must have only heard the words “We live in a political world” and this is why they decided on Dylan at that time it was the only explanation I could fathom.

However I have only recently realize that this is not the case that, they named me after this depressing song to prove the song wrong ,to prove that a political world doesn’t have to be a world, where Love doesn’t have any place but a world where love is at times excruciatingly present. Where Wisdom is not thrown in jail but sought after and adored. Deeply involved in politics and growing up seeing my parents work so hard, I can honestly say that they have always strived to make a positive impacts and growth in our home, community and nation. So even though I am known as la gringuita eve, and eve was the name I took up in Mexico, I now realize that my first given name “Dylan” is not only something that I can be proud of and love but something that I can embrace it is something that my parents provided me and something I want provide to my children, a better “political world”.

The Catch-Up Entry

2009-06-05T23:16:00.002-06:00

Well a lot had happened in such a little time. I haven’t been writing a lot because I have been focusing on my school work and exams, well I’m pretty much done that, I have 8 more exams from the 17th to the 22nd of June but that is a lot better than the 16 I did from the 18th of May to the 1st of June. All my exams went well and when they didn’t that’s ok too, I am really trying not to stress out about the little things and remember that the worst that I could think of concerning school, isn’t really the worst that can happen. I am also remembering to breath. Breathing I Find is really, helpful. Sleeping feels good but is not a commodity when needing to get things done.

I achieved for the first time an all nighter that didn’t include alcohol or boys but instead books, and Google. As I stated before I completed 16 exams in 10 Business Days, and most of them I completed with confidence and almost all with dignity, besides the embarrassment of sleeping on the sky train, sea bus and bus home after each test of course.

I also got to reconnected with my best friend, a friend i've had since kindergarten. She graciously let me stay with her for the two weeks while I did exams. Even though she was occupied with her life, she let me stay with her. We haven’t seen each other for two years and while we tried to stay in touch for the past 6 yrs, efforts on both sides have been lacking, she was occupied with high school life and recently university, and I was focused on La Vida Bajo (The life Below). There are not a lot of people that can put up with me and yet even though we havn't had a lot to do with eachother for the lasdt 6 years, she did. Even with all my faults; my snoring, my unconscious messiness, and painting nails on her bed.I am glad to have such a great friend, who not only puts up with me, but understands me, puts me in my place and loves me. Anyways I am I just feel so blessed to have such a good friend.

Studying, Studying, and YouTube

2009-05-06T14:37:00.005-06:00

Well i've been stuck to the compter studying for upcoming exams, ALOT of exams. And while procrastinating a little I came across this funny video I totally relate to, with my ex-boyfriend we would literally refur to his bestfriend as his girfriend because they would always be together.. The girls singing are a band?/group called Garfunkel and Oates very funny songs. Anyways I thought I'd share

Semana Santa

2009-04-09T12:16:00.004-06:00

Easter Week in Mexico is like spring break with Jesus and in La Penita its filled with Mexican tourists Bandas and tequila! So last night and a few before I go out, with my brother and friends, drink, laugh and party till early in the morning. Last night i happened to drink i little too much and i went around taking pictures of me and different instruments, with anyone who would let me hold there's. Oh and of course i had to go up to the police officer and get a picture as well...anyways here they are

El Presente es lo unico que ay

2009-03-25T09:44:00.000-06:00

So I’ve made a lot of crucial decisions lately and I think they are going to be really great for me and my future. In may I have exams and tests to do, a lot, 22 in total and 20 are in two weeks. A lot of studying and stressed nervous anxiety is up ahead, I’m already getting butterflies just thinking about it. Stressful yes but very do-able. The end result is I am finally done, I put it off for a year and am now behind in term of my peers.

My decision is that after I am done my exams, I am going to move to Ottawa! This is very different but I think it will be a very good and needed change for me. I miss Canada, and although I love Vancouver I think that a new beginning is what I need. So I am moving to Ottawa and will hopefully be there by Canada Day. My older sister lives there and is letting me stay with her. This means I am getting a job that isn’t working for my parents, very nice considering I’ve never done that before. I’m nervous, excited and just all around giddy about my plans.

When I am in Ottawa I defiantly want to learn French and Upgrade/improve my Spanish, ya se mucho. I also want to eventually get enrolled in college and start on that but I figure I will want to work a few months first and get used to Ottawa to see if I even like it there.

Doing some work....so here is a quick little bit

2009-03-07T11:48:00.000-07:00

I moved in and am getting comfortable, we finally got internet yesterday, so all is well expect more posts.
I love my new house!!! More room, more organization, more central, more privacy, it’s just better in general. Things are I little chaotic with my social life at the moment. The ex and I have been “talking” which is a step up from him ignoring me so that’s good, not that were going to get back together again or that I want to, but we’ve hung out a few times and that’s good because he was my best friend for almost three years. My prima is coming today for 3 weeks, and I’m assuming were going to be partying…. A lot. So wish me luck!

Moving Day is Tomorrow!

2009-02-23T13:22:00.000-07:00

I love moving day. I’m excited, anxious and planning for tomorrow. There are a few reasons why moving day for me is like this. The first is the obvious, it’s therapeutic I can clean up and go through all my junk I collect and clean up, new beginnings in my mind equals less problems.
Up until I was 13 I lived in the same three story house in North Vancouver , and I had one bedroom since I could remember , in fact one of my first memories was my mom letting me move into my big sisters room. This of course was awesome, now for the first couple years I slept on 2 mattresses, no bed, this was by choice as I could have easily moved the unused bunk bed me and my brother used to share into my room.
Instead one summer I worked around the house painting the fence ect. I saved up enough to buy a bed set, it was beautiful, a sleigh wooden bed, night stand and drawers! It was perfect, a big girl bed. I painted my room, any color I wanted (thanks mom!) and before it was delivered to my room (the next day) I drew out a plan to where everything would go. This of course meant I would have the under my bed to worry about when I slept but I would no longer have to worry about the closet as I could block it, I always hated the closet for numerous reasons. Things scare me a lot but more so when I was younger, I lived in the basement, things like going up stairs would terrify me, mostly because I felt a presence behind me too often, this inevitably led me to not want to go up stairs, especially at night, so I would go pee in my closet. I’m told I blamed it on the cats, this is funny because we didn’t own any.
Even if I had to block the evil closet from being used, I would often rearrange my room, maybe once a week, I would hall out of my room and put everything in a different way, every time more perfect. The last year in this room I of course opened up my closet as it was the perfect area to drink the alcohol I just stoll from my parents, smoke pot and light incense with my friends, ironically I remember finding a pack of old zigzags in the wall in the closet I’m assuming were from my sister as she once occupied the room. As I write this, I’m thinking that if I was still scared of what was under my bed I probably was a little young to be experimenting with drinking and smoking pot, but I still don’t feel safe dangling my feet over my bed and I still race up the stairs at night so maybe I’m still too young .
After the house we, my family and I moved into a RV to travel Mexico. Although I didn’t have a room to rearrange anymore, My whole house was re-arranged every time we left a town, which was about every week and now that I’m in a house again, I’ve settled down a bit only rearranging my room maybe every other month.
So tomorrows moving day and I’m excited, this new house, news walls should be much better for me :D

“I’m a sadist, my girlfriend takes her top off at a restaurant I tell her to go home not hey the cheerleader in the corner looks intrigued”

2009-02-22T05:02:00.000-07:00

I just woke up from a dream, not because it was a scary dream but because I had to pee… very badly. I’ve been drinking a 2 Liter jug of water every night, because it’s healthy and I forget to drink water during the day this is fine. I hardly ever remember my dreams I assume because subconsciously I don’t want to know what going on in there. Tonight I remember some pieces and am glad that I usually don’t remember. At first I was a trying to impress a boy by being cool, it dark outside and were on steps wooden ones tons of them, there was a group of other people and he hardly noticed me so I make an ass out of myself trying to take charge. Changed scenarios and a guy is explaining something to me “I’m a sadist, my girlfriend takes her top off at a restaurant I tell her to go home not hey the cheerleader in the corner looks intrigued”. OH SHIT I HAVE TO PEE!!!! I run out of bed to the bathroom barley making it on time. Now I’m sitting at my desk trying to grasp all this fuckery before I’m off to another dream, I really don’t understand the comment this man made, so I Wikipedia sadism, it makes much more sense now although I’m sure my mind had a entirely different meaning for the word anyways.

Fulltimers, Weaners, Weekers and Drifters

2009-02-17T13:17:00.006-07:00

I thought I’d write a little bit about what’s going on in the little city I live in right now, and more specifically the gringo community.

I live in a town called La Peñita which according to Wikipedia contains approximately 8000 inhabitants. It right beside; a town called Guayabitos equally small but mainly designed for tourists, and is filled up by Americans and Canadians every “Gringo Season”.

There are mainly Four types of Gringos here; Fulltimers, Weaners and Weekers and Drifters. Full timers are retires, vets that live here never leave and now call Guayabitos home, wise people with a lot of time on their hands. The Weaners are here for 6 months a year during winter months to beat the cold, they are Weaners because they are weaning into retirement, and eventually will become Fulltimers. Then there’s the Weekers who are for only a week or two, trying get tans, drinking like crazy and getting braids on the beach with multi colored beads at the end. We also get the occasional drifter; lost souls moving through Mexico to find themselves. These lost souls somehow end up in La Peñita, lonely but intrigued at the cheap living, the beer prices, and the easy Weekers, so they stay sometimes for a short time but sometimes long and even find jobs at the local gringo bars. Some of these Drifters are often Alcoholics, Drug Addicts, and Damaged. The Fulltimers notice this right away and are cautious as they are too familiar with the drifting kind; I however take longer than others to see this, and often feel sorry for these lonely people. My brother often jokes with me that we should watch Americas Most Wanted because this town has to have at least one fugitive with all the Drifters and even Fulltimers that must have hidden lives with their odd exteriors.

There was this one Drifter that comes to mind “adam”. The last few months he seemed to be weaning into a Weaner, less strange then the rest and although he had a foul mouth the Fulltimers and Weaners seemed to tolerate him and even like him. He hung out with the “young crowd” and by young I mean still much older than me late 30’s early 40’s crowd, the still working to make a living crowd. I would see him at the gringo gatherings, super bowl Sunday, Friday Night Bavarian Garden dance fest, and Crazy Nelly’s. Generally happy, sometimes drunk and on occasion on other substances, I assumed he was just another Drifter. He was always sporting his wolf claw tattoo, a t- shirt and his i-pod sticking out of his old Bob Marley nap sack another character in La Peñita. Or so I thought.

Last night my brother barges into my room while I’m sleeping like every other night. This time yelling something I very rarely hear coming out of his mouth; “I was right, I was RIGHT!” he exclaimed waiting for me to be able to wake up comprehend what he was saying before telling me. “ ADAM WAS ARRESTED!” a couple more seconds are wasted by me stair at my brother, finally annoyed at him waking me up I said “and?” you see we already knew that Adam has frequently used illegal drugs and has gotten into the occasional bar fight, so being arrested would’nt be to far off, so what was my brother right about. “Adams a Fugitive most wanted Illinois!” he said. I got up groggy and read the Article on his computer

“On Valentine's Day, Kirk Swaggerty, a fugitive from the United States who was the Most Wanted Man by the Illinois Department of Corrections, and had warrants for Homicide, and Home Invasion in Genoa, Il, was arrested in La Peñita, Nayarit.

Swaggerty was living in Rincon de Guayabitos under the alias Adan Castellanos-Smith. He was a regular patron at Crazy Nelly's, and Matejas Bar and Grill in Guayabitos, and at Hinde and Jaime's in La Penita. At the time of his capture Swaggerty had been on the run for almost 5 years.”

The Picture above is a old mug-shot of Kirk aka Adam and below is a picture of some of the Fulltimers and Weaners with him about to go on a tour at a Bar in La Peñita that I got from the online paper I work on with my parents.

As I went back to bed I could only think that maybe it was time for me to be more cautious with these drifters, because sometimes there drifting for a reason.

Pelicula-Romantica Complex

2009-02-13T08:15:00.000-07:00

I have been diagnosed with Pelicula-Romantica Complex. Pelicula-Romantica Complex is a colloquial term describing an alleged type of delusional desires which is said to affect some people who watch romance movies, listen to music and people who are generally infatuated with pop culture. The term is also used more generally to describe people who are driven by a perceived view on love to find it and to view anything but this image as false love.
Apparently I watch too many sappy, romantic movies and listen to corny loves songs too often. This inevitably has screwed up my libido. For one it has made me crave attention and not normal attention, but the attention that happens when boys stand outside your bedroom window with a boom box.
After writing this, and not posting it, I ran into my ex-boyfriend. I was with him for three years and we broke up this summer. It was awkward, I found myself being overly sweet and understanding, we talked about our lives his recent relationship. I found myself wondering off when he was talking; mainly because I really didn’t care. He told me that he was in a relationship just recently, with a girl, and when he’d come home dirty from work she would push him away because he was dirty, and how he missed me because no matter how dirty he was I would always give him a hug and a kiss. I am a good girlfriend. I’m sure if I wanted to get back together with him he would. I don’t really think that is a good idea considering we broke up for good reasons.
I don’t know if it’s the rush of romantic movies that I’m watching or the recent increase in hearts, flower and teddy bears being sold around town, I’m feeling lonely. I said I would have dinner with him on Saturday, it felt really nice to talk to him too nice. Saturday valentine’s day, I planned on eating a whole box of chocolates and watching a marathon of romance movies in between sex and the city episodes but now I have a “friend date” with my ex-boyfriend. I haven’t been single for Valentine’s Day for 4 years, which means I haven’t had a valentine’s day alone since I was 13. Although I’d hate to admit, I hate being alone, even if that means having dinner with an ex-boyfriend.

I have some attention issues.

2009-02-03T19:02:00.002-07:00

I have some attention issues. I want it, I crave it, I need it. Any boy that gives me attention gets a love struck gringuita in return. Unfortunately the boys I am friends with somehow can smell it and I am too frequently used as the “in case of emergency, brake glass” friend. The boys of my past have proven to be inadequate one way or three and I am afraid to say I have fallen into some bad habits. My brother says I fall in love with anything with a goatee and a wife beater, and lately my choice of men or rather my choice in boys have lead me to believe this may have some relevance. Why on earth I can’t find a single multimillionaire who adores me is beyond me.

Ay dios mio GRINGUITA!

2009-01-28T19:42:00.003-07:00

Last night, I tried to get away from my negative outlook by going over and visiting one of my few friends at his place. There was about two hours of talking about topics such as life, music, movies, health. In between the topics mentioned he somehow always changed the conversion back to his recent ex-girlfriend once referred to as his soul mate to the point where I concluded he is not over her, at all.
As we are running out of conversation and start looking around for things to talk about. He starts to play with his cell; we continue to talk this time about the weather. I get a text message, I know what it is. I don’t want to read it. Smiling awkwardly is all I could do. I tell him I don’t want to read the text. I know what it’s going to say and at that point I really could not handle the uncomfortable scene I was put into. “You read it” I said handing him my phone. As he took my phone I could tell he was disappointed which confirmed my theory. Handing me back my phone I read the screen, quickly putting the cell back into my phone “kan I kiss u” flashed before my eyes. Shaking my head not technically to say no but more in disappointment, disappointment in myself, I try so hard to avoid these awkward moments. So here we are, I move to change the song were listening to, not that I don’t like it just for something to do, I change it again, then again until I’m satisfied. It didn’t help it’s even more awkward and I’m running out of things to say. He’s staring at me. I’m sure I’m blushing, I tell him I hate awkward situations, which makes him ask “what’s so awkward”. How am I to describe this feeling, I can’t. He continues to stare, now I can tell he is contemplating where to put his hands. It lands on my leg.
He’s a good friend, good looking, but am I attracted to him no not really. So what do I do to cut short this position I was put into, I kiss him. Ay dios mio gringuita porque? This is not a good idea on so many levels, the fact that he is my ex’s friend, the fact that he is still not over his girlfriend, and the little detail that im not really that attracted to him all have something to do with why last night was not enjoyable. So while the kissing may have stopped the uncomfortable feeling I had... for about 60 seconds. Why 60 second because that how long it took him to start trying to feel me up, 60 seconds! I find this funny, apparently my friends think I’m slutty. I move his hands, it moves again. He is obviously not experienced in making out, he’s 20 years old, yet I started to feel like I was kissing a 14 year old. Making out more doesn’t seem to help the situation, he goes for the neck, or so I thought/hoped, but of course that’s not going to happen he starts kissing my collarbone area, it was really weird. We stop he looks at me and says “your amazing”. This does not make me happy, but I laugh because it is the only thing I can think of doing and besides How THE FUCK DO YOU REPLY TO THAT statement?…. I change the song again hoping that it’s over I get ready to leave checking my cell phone for time. And he kisses me, still awkward but his time were standing, he tries to feel me up and I block…again. I can’t help but notice I’m a lot taller than him, looking down I notice were on a hill, thank god, I felt like a giant for a second. Okay bored uncomfortable and awkward, I decide to go, its late now anyways, he walks me to the door and I quickly leave, and walk home.

So what am I doing tonight? Going for a drive with this guy, we’ll see where this goes. I guess im not so "grown up" after all.

Tocando Fondo

2009-01-28T10:29:00.001-07:00

I am surrounded by adults who act like children. As they are “living” there last years by drinking, partying and acting stupid, mean while my adolescence is filling up with mediocre stories and a 9 o’clock bedtime, my bedtime not by preference nor regulated but by sheer boredom, by sheer un-enthusiasm of this town I’m in. I need things to change, maybe I need to change, but all I know is my cell’s phone book is growing shorter, friends moving on, and while I’m here looking at the same cross that I’ve seen for the past 4 years, those people I once called friends are moving on living their lives, while I’m stuck here in this town wondering what if anything I will do on Friday then ultimately decide to stay home once again and watch TV. They are strangers, growing into people and characters while I’m here staying the same.

El Rincon de Mi Serenity

2009-01-22T23:39:00.006-07:00

Being alone can be, well lonely but sometimes it can be peaceful and helpful to the soul. When I need a minute to myself to think things through or make decisions I find it helpful to go somewhere where you feel at peace and can think about things without distraction. I like the beach, or in Canada I usually just go to the quay (haven’t been there in ages!) just water in general is good. Here in Nayarit there is one spot I absolutely love to go and once you see the pictures you’ll see why. I’m not a religious person but sometimes the idea of god can lead into the right direction. A Hail Mary never hurt anyone, right?